What Was Left Unsaid
by WillandAliciaFan
Summary: Alicia talks to Will. Tells him what was left unsaid.
1. What Gets Said Now

The idea for this just popped into my head and was quickly written.

* * *

 **Post-finale**

I never asked for forgiveness.

I should have.

Now, I'll never be able to.

Leaving Lockhart/Gardner was a mistake. The worst part was hurting you.

I can still see your face, the look in your eyes when you confronted me in my office.

Do you remember escorting me to the elevator, telling me you didn't give a damn? As soon as the doors closed, I cried. I cried because then I knew I had destroyed whatever we had.

We never really defined what we had, did we? That's something else we can't do now.

I loved you...and that scared me. I was scared of walking away from my marriage. I was afraid how that would affect my kids. I didn't want all the office gossip that I slept my way to the top.

That's why I left. I ran from you. I ran from my feelings. I ran from what could have been if I hadn't been so afraid.

And for all of that, where did I end a few years later?

Peter and I eventually divorced.

Grace is in college in California. She wasn't happy about the divorce. She's accepted it, but I think there's a strain in our relationship that wasn't there before.

Zach's in France, even further away...and married, a house husband, actually. I think he approves of the divorce the way I approve of his marriage. Our relationship was already strained for a few years, since I found out about the abortion.

My career is a mess.

I lost everything I was trying to save, realized letting it go wouldn't have been so bad, and the part that hurts the most, is losing you.

When I told you that night in New York that that was the happiest I'd ever been, I meant it. The nine months I was with you, I was happier than I had ever been. I think that also scared me. I didn't think that could last. I didn't believe one could go on through life feeling like that. It would eventually wear off or something. Maybe my mother was right, about happiness - the importance of making choices because they make you happy. Maybe I shouldn't have been so stubborn and headstrong about making choices in my life that would prove her wrong.

I should have told you that I loved you when I had the chance.

I should have accepted when you offered me managing partner, not for the title or the position, but because I would have been working with you.

I miss working with you.

I miss you.

I miss what we had.

And I miss what we could have had, but never will.


	2. There's More To Say

So it seems like the first chapter got people a bit more emotional than I expected, so I felt I had to add on another chapter, which you'll hopefully find more comforting.

I'm sort of conflicted as to giving a setting for these. Maybe she visits his grave, maybe she writes a letter, maybe she's actually talking out loud, maybe it's all in her mind (like in the finale), maybe she comes across that old issue of Chicago magazine while spring cleaning or packing for a move. Maybe it's the same for both chapters, maybe different settings for each one.

I decided for the meantime, to just leave it open, and you can imagine the setting that you prefer.

* * *

 **2026 - Ten years post-finale**

It's been awhile, but truth is, not a day goes by that I don't think about you.

It doesn't hurt as much as it used to.

A lot's happened. I've moved. I decided to start over, try to find myself. I do a lot of pro bono work these days. The paychecks are smaller, but I feel like I make more of a difference. No drug lords or crazy wife murders.

I'm a grandmother. Zach has two kids. He and Hannah are still in France. Her career really took off, and Zach is really enjoying being a full-time father.

Grace got married after she finished law school. She's a third-year associate, possibly headed towards being a partner at a really great firm. All the named partners are women, and they've created an office culture that accommodates parents, which Grace is about to be. Things sure have changed since I was Grace's age. I'm glad she won't have to make as many tough decisions about career versus family that she would at a regular firm.

I'm with someone. We've been together for a while. I guess, you could say it's serious. I've been steering clear of commitment. You don't get invested, you don't get hurt, but I don't think that's for me. I'm not turning into my mother. I guess, I haven't totally found myself, but I'm getting there.

I sometimes wonder, would there have been an us? Would you have wanted a commitment? Could we have really built a relationship that lasted? That's what I would have wanted. Eli told me, as best as he could remember, the details of that voice mail message you left me that I never got. The one from the night of Peter's press conference. Maybe you wanted something real too.

I think, after a long time of being miserable, I can finally say I'm happy. I would be happier if you were here with me, but I'm happy.


End file.
